forgive me?

Does it kill me?
Yes it does.

I feel like shit
If i were to be totally honest i think it may be worrisome
When i lost my beloved grandmother
It took me nearly three weeks to get it over with
But now i think it will a whole lifetime
An eternity to cover up this loss
I feel guilty really i am
The worst thing is i happened to stumble across some blogs
Which belong to your friend and stuff
And boy now we are just left with memories
Memories that werent long to begin with

I must be the most horrible_est aunt you ever had
If you could call me names go ahead i deserve it
To watch your life go to waste when you are that young
Boy it hurts to think about you nowadays
You are tearing up my insides
I am going crazy personally
Images from the hospital is all i can think about
I am so sorry for being lousy
I cant even take care of you to save our lives

I am foolish for thinking that you'll survive this
If you were here i would say how could break so many hearts just like that
And from what i read you were not bad as bf
Since you are looking after us
Please find me one that has your characteristics pretty please haha

I really am sorry
I Love You
R.I.P